Kada je stigla u bolnicu dali su joj samo nekoliko tjedana života, zbog teškog oblika anoreksije, sada mlada studentica koristi društvene mreže kako bi promovirala zadoljstvo tijelom i inspirirala druge koji prolaze kroz težak oporavak.
Connie Inglis (23) iz Leedsa s anoreksijom se borila od svoje 10. godine, u devet godina bila je hospitalizirana tri puta. Prije dvije godine primljena je u bolnicu nakon što joj je težila kao prosječno petogodišnje dijete.
"Nije me bilo briga hoću li živjeti ili umrijeti. Samo sam htjela izgubiti svu težinu. Došla sam do točke kada mi nije bilo dovoljno što sam u bolnici, htjela sam da mi srce stane. To je bila jedina stvar koja bi zadovoljila moju anoreksiju", kazala je Connie u intervjuu za BBC.
IT'S OK NOT TO BE OK!!!!!! ??? When your feeling crappy remember that you are SASSY!!! Yeah so I've had a hard day today. I've done some incredible things, got myself through the flu without listening to my ed. Went to work even though I felt awful and got home and treated myself to a lovely dinner... but you know when you just focus on the negatives?! Yeah well that happened. I spent a good hour crying at home because my mind jumped to conclusions again. And to be honest I think everyone does this! Not just people with anxiety and depression... you know, when you have a good cry because you think someone you love is annoyed at you or even hates you. But when you calm down, take a step away from the situation and think, you realise it wasn't anyone's fault. And your ok. And to be honest you'll always have someone there to hug you! Someone to give you some love! (Even if it is a virtual hug from me!! ??? with added unicorn obviously ?) But yeah I just want you to know that even if your not ok today. Even if your crying in a room full of people feeling alone. You will be ok!! Focus on the positives. Focus on things you love Focus on what's going to make you feel better (mines Harry Potter!) Focus on the people who will be there no matter what! (If you don't have those it's ok! I'll be here) Focus on your family The people you love Work Uni Food Clothes Drawing ANYTHING!!! You can get through this!! And until you can... just remember YOU ARE A SASS QUEEN (or King) AND I LOVE YOU!!! ??? #positivebeatsperfect Top by @_ararose
A post shared by Connie??Positive.beats.perfect (@my_life_without_ana) on Nov 21, 2017 at 10:17am PST
"Kad mi je bilo 18 godina, ne bih se usudila objaviti išta na društvenim mrežama ako nisam izgledala savršeno. Konstantno sam bila na dijeti, iz kuće ne bih izašla bez šminke, a nisam se niti usudila pogledti svoj trbuh. Sve što sam objavila na Instagramu bilo je jako izmijenjeno, do granice da ne bih prepoznala samu sebe".
Sada želi postati podrška svima koji prolaze kroz slične probleme s porukom da "bez obzira koliko je teško, stanje uvijek im može postati bolje".
Na svom Instagram profilu često postavlja usporedne slike i prikazuje proces svog oporavka, zbog čega je prati 87.000 ljudi. Osim inspirativnih poruka, Connie ne krije brutalnu istinu o tome kako izgleda život s teškom anoreksijom. "Volim pomagati ljudima i mislim da je to vrlo važno ljudima koji prolaze kroz oporavak, pogotovo da shvate kako nisu sami u svojoj borbi", rekla je.
When I was 18 I wouldn't dare post anything on social media unless I looked 'perfect'. ? I dieted constantly. I wouldn't leave the house without makeup. I couldn't bare to even look at my tummy. ? Everything I posted on Instagram was highly edited, to the point where I didn't even recognise myself. Because at the time I really didn't like who I saw. ... definitely not perfect right?! ? Now 3 years later and a LOT LOT LOT of hard work I can post pictures of me how I TRULY am. No editing, no makeup, no posing. Just me! ? And that's just a little bit amazing ? Because now I know that I don't need to try to be something I'm not. I don't need to hide behind filters or makeup. I don't need to pretend that I'm someone who has everything figured out. I don't need to pretend that I don't have problems or that my life is perfect. Because it's not!!! ? Nobody's life is perfect no matter what there social media feed says. Everyone has bad days, things about themselves they'd love to change, something about their lives they want to be better. ? Social media is a highlighted reel and nowhere near a true representation of how difficult life can be. But I'm going to keep doing everything I can to change that and be as raw and real as possible! .... who's with me?! ??????? #positivebeatsperfect
A post shared by Connie??Positive.beats.perfect (@my_life_without_ana) on Sep 17, 2017 at 10:55am PDT
Smatra da ima toliko pratitelja zbog svoje iskrenosti. "Trudim se prikazati sve, a ne samo pozitivnu stranu oporavka. Često prikazujem ono negativno i kako teško može biti", kazala je. Ova studentica pohađa zadnju godinu Leeds Art University. Connie progovara i o problemu nedostatka financija liječenja. "Vrlo je iritantno, jer, čini se da me ako se ne izgladnjujem nitko neće shvatiti osobno", kazala je.
U svom završnom radu ispitat će pritisak društva na žene tako to će koristiti dijelove tijela izrađene od rastopljenog obojenog šećera, a koji će odgovarati izgledu Barbie i Bratz lutke. "Da Barbie postoji kao prava žena ne bi imala polovinu svojih organa, bila bi klasificirana kao teško anoreksična, ako ne i mrtva. To je apsurdno", zaključila je.
A lot of people have asking me how I did it. How I recovered so fast... the truth is, I didn't. An eating disorder is deceptive and horrible. It lures you in and makes you believe that you'd be nothing without it, you wouldn't survive without it. I used to believe my ed was my best friend but all it ever wanted to do was kill me. In the picture on the left I was 13 and had already been struggling for a long time. ? There are 8 years between these photos and in that time I have weight restored and relapsed countless times. I have tormented myself mentally and physically. I told myself I was horrible and unworthy of happiness. I have hated my body. I have starved it, I have hurt it, I have left unmeasurable damage. THIS IS NOT MY LIFE ANYMORE!! After 10 years I finally decided I loved my family and friends more than my illness. I decided that I wasn't to blame for everything that had happened. I decided that I deserved to be happy!!! So I finally let go... ? If your still struggling I am with you every step of the way. If you've been going through this for lifetimes and feel useless when you see others getting better, I completely understand. If you feel like your Ed is still taking care of you, I understand but I promise there are better things out there!!! If your not taken seriously because you don't fit into the typical anorexia box, your struggles are worthy and you deserve to be helped!!! If your turned away because of you weight, skin colour or gender, FIGHT LIKE HELL!! You deserve to be heard!!! ? I'm not telling you this for sympathy or to diminish anyone's struggles!! Everyone's struggles are valid!! But I want you to know that it is possible!! Yes I still have bad days. I still struggle but I'm stronger now and know that I deserve to be happy! Keep going, it's going to be the hardest thing you ever do but it's so worth it! Fight like hell and I'll be fighting with you!! #positivebeatsperfect
A post shared by Connie??Positive.beats.perfect (@my_life_without_ana) on Feb 1, 2017 at 12:51pm PST
Recovery isn't a choice you make just once, it's a choice you have to keep making every second of every day. Recovery means going through hell, fighting against your own thoughts and the things you most believe in, forcing yourself to keep going even when you feel like your breaking inside. Recovery is hard for everyone, it feels impossible, but if you Really want to recover and you believe that it's possible you ??CAN?? do it!!! For years I didn't want to recover, anorexia was too safe, it was a way for me to cope with and numb the pain of my life. I was stuck, I couldn't see a way out. But in numbing the pain I was also numbing the joy. You need to find the motivation to keep going! I know it's hard, at the beginning I didn't want to recover for myself so I kept going for my boyfriend. If you can't fight for yourself fight for someone you love! I'm not fully recovered yet but I'm fighting every day. You need to give it time, don't get frustrated that it's taking to long or your not 'better enough' just keep going every day. Challenge the things your terrified of. Find a reason or reasons to get better, I promise there are millions! Talk to someone about the reasons behind your ed and the things that your struggling with. Always have people around you to support you!!! We ALL DESERVE RECOVERY!! And we CAN DO IT?????? #edcommunity#eatingdisorder#anawho#fuckana#prorecovery#depressed#anxiety#edworrior#edarmy#edfamiliy#realrecovery#mentalillness#edfam#recoveryispossible#anorexianervosa#fuckanorexia#nourishtoflorish#nourishnotpunish#nourishyourbody#fighting#foodblogger#2fab4ana#bodypositive#transformationtuesday#edrecovery#bodiposi#positive
A post shared by Connie??Positive.beats.perfect (@my_life_without_ana) on Nov 29, 2016 at 6:20am PST
Helllllooooo!!! ☺️?☺️ I haven't posted much recently because I've been having some serious body image issues. The eating disorder voice has been loud. And depression has hit hard. But hiding away is never going to help. So here I am! Building on my self love journey. Fighting back. Not letting relapse be an option. I've fought to hard to get to where I am to let diet culture and beauty ideals to get to me now!!! ?????? I'm not my mental illness. I'm Connie I'm a fearless female I'm going to love my body for what it is! I'm not giving in!! I'm here to fight I'm here to stay! I can get through this ????? SO CAN YOU!! #positivebeatsperfect
A post shared by Connie??Positive.beats.perfect (@my_life_without_ana) on Jul 11, 2017 at 11:41am PDT